R.E. sales (and lending) are high-stress professions! That’s why agents and MLOs get “paid the big bucks”.

But how lenders and agents defuse angry clients will determine the frequency of commission checks and, ultimately, how long you’ll be “in the business.”

According to Bernice Ross, “very few agents have been trained on how to defuse angry situations”.

Ms. Bernice Ross, President & CEO of BrokerageUP and RealEstateCoach.com,
is a national speaker, author, and trainer with over 1,000 published articles.

·        Defusing Tense Arguments with Clients

1. Allow the person to vent 

The first step in defusing an angry situation is to let go of your need to be right and allow the angry person to vent. Even if someone is unjustifiably angry, don’t argue or try to prove your point—just listen!

If you can honestly say, “I understand your point of view,” do so!

2. Do a ‘pattern interrupt’

About 30 seconds into their venting process, do a “pattern interrupt.” This technique comes from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). The strategy is to stop the angry behavior as quickly as possible.

Here’s what to say:

“Could I ask you to pause while I grab a pen and paper to write down what you’re saying?”

When angry, they often feel they’re not being heard. When you offer to write down what they’re saying, they realize you’re genuinely interested in their concerns.  

Second, the pattern interrupt breaks the person’s angry rant. This, in turn, begins the process of lowering their anger level.

3. Have them repeat what they just said, and take notes

Next, ask the angry individual to repeat what they were saying before you asked them to pause.

Be sure to take notes. It’s tough to maintain the same level of anger when you have to repeat what you said a second time. They will also naturally slow down to accommodate your writing speed.

4. Do a second pattern interrupt

Once they have finished repeating what they said before and have talked for another 2-3 minutes, ask them to pause again:

“Let me ask you to pause again. Here’s what I wrote down about your concerns so far.” Read their concerns in a calm, unemotional, “neutral” tone.

Say: “Did I get those right?” By repeating what they have said in a neutral, calm voice, they strip the anger and emotion out of their words.

You also create a written paper trail in case you can’t resolve the dispute. 

Repeat the process until the person has their say. Remember to pause, repeat back what they said in a neutral voice & verify you captured what they said correctly. 

5. ‘Fix it’

Research from Clotaire Rapaille, the marketing consultant to 50 of the Fortune 100 companies, shows Americans rate a service or company higher when it fixes a problem than when a product works well.

Consequently, if you did make a mistake, avoid making excuses or apologizing.

Saying “I’m sorry” requires an explanation, and it can make you more of a target for the person’s anger.

Instead, say: “I made a mistake. What can I do to fix the situation?” 

People are accustomed to having others justify why they made a mistake. In fact, owning up to the error often stops the other person’s rant immediately. 

By asking what you can do to fix the situation, you move past assigning blame and toward seeking solutions to the issue. It also demonstrates that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions and take steps to remedy the problem at hand. 

Here’s another approach that works well, primarily when the anger is directed at you personally. Respond by saying, “It was never my intention to make you angry. What can I do to fix the problem?”

Notice there is no acceptance or blame, only an effort on your part to take steps to correct something that has gone wrong. 

Avoid criticizing the other party if the anger is directed at another individual. Instead, ask, “Is there something you want me to do about this situation?”

“Neither you nor your client will talk that way to me, nor will I tolerate you saying anything derogatory about my client.

We both have our clients yelling at us. Let’s see how we can work together as a team to get this deal closed.” 

Here’s a slightly different way to handle someone yelling at you.

Rather than telling them, “Don’t yell at me,” tell them what you want them to do: “Would you please speak softly to me?”

If the person keeps yelling, “If you can’t speak softly to me, then I will be hanging up.” Or leaving if you’re in a face-to-face situation.

7. ‘Take-it-away’ strategy:

If you want to be a powerful negotiator, avoid being attached to the outcome!

Stay focused on the best outcome for your client, and if canceling the transaction is in their best interest, do so.  

Last week, when all the shouting was happening, an agent used the “take-it-away strategy. ”This is what he said: ‘It seems this is not the right property for your client. Let’s go ahead & have the escrow draw up the cancellation papers.”

The other agent immediately back-peddled at that point and said, “My client REALLY wants the property!” 

Although the buyer and the seller are not particularly happy with each other, the other agent and you are now working as a team to close the deal.